but he showed up

and he stood there, he didnt skank or enjoy it.

and maybe im missing the point. maybe he shouldn't have to enjoy the best band of the weekend with me. but he stood there for it. maybe thats the point.

and maybe i just feel tired and queasy and down cos its over.

but creme egg [chocolate bars] and alcohol abuse just didnt work.

[maybe because it wasn't the real thing]

but i had a fantabulous weekend. and we enjoyed all the other bands. and i knew my real friends. the ones who made effort to see me that weekend even though they hadnt been in france for 5 months or brighton for weeks. the ones i had seen the night before and the ones that didnt even have an obligation to. because when theres so many people in a hall, its harder to find someone than to avoid them.

so i think i feel bummed because the ones that i was relying on to help me arent the ones that would be there for me.

so i guess i shouldnt make promises to myself that rely on certain people. just let the other ones surprise me.